‘Dating’ Obligations… by: Heather Kirkpatrick


In the last fifty years, the duties and expectations of the average woman has changed exceptionally.  We, as a whole, are not expected to be stay-at-home mothers, carry the title of “housewife” or “homemaker”.  Since the feminist movement to push for equal rights and equal pay (women still make $.70 to a mann’s $1.00), the flux change has conformed women to be more independent and responsible for their own lives, careers, and futures.  With this change and charge for the independence, came differences in the domestic roles of men and women.  It has become more of men vs. women, a sort of  competition of the genders.  Although this continues to be a struggle within relationship establishments, a balance must be obtained and maintained to keep the level clear and not one person or another left behind to carry the slack.

The discussion of dating is a hot topic.  No longer called “courting”, dating is not just a way to go out and get to know someone, but can also be considered a hobby, past-time, or a way to just get out on a Friday night.  Along with dating comes questions or theories on who should pay for what, and which gender is responsible for which duties during the dating process.

Romantic Date

I am a 40 yr old single woman who was married very briefly in 2007.  Since then, my thoughts on dating, relationships, and marriage have drastically changed and lean more to the absolute protection and independent support of the woman.  The reason I believe in this theory is based on multiple factors including the way I was raised with four brothers, time I spent in the military (around tons of male influences), and really, spending time  NOT in a relationship.  This has helped me not only get to know myself, but further understand what my needs are in a partner.  I firmly believe that a woman, above everything else, needs to take care of herself.  It is a huge misconception that a man will always be there to take care of his wife, kids, or family.  Eventually, he will lose his job, die unexpectedly, be seriously injured and can’t work, or divorce will occur.  This leaves the responsibility on the woman.  If she is not prepared with a steady job, savings, or good family support, she will surely fail.  To prevent this from happening, it’s best (in my opinion) to set one’s self up for success by being educated, having a good source of income, and always being prepared to forge ahead alone.

So many women CAN’T be alone.  They absolutely cannot function without a man’s presence to carry the load.  If you’re going to be expected to run things while he’s gone, you best be able to do it now.  It begins with dating.  If a man wants to date me, he pays.  Period.  I will always carry my own money,and  have a plan to get home if things go sour.  Facts are:  things happen.  Be aware of your surroundings and don’t be naïve on what his intentions may be.  A man’s agenda to date you is 90% sex.  The other 10% is another motive;  he likes you, you’re marriage material to him, and he can see you having his children.  In this case, he will have no problem paying for every date with no pressure for sex.  Men who have intentions for sex will pay for one or two dates (tops) and then disappear if they fell you’re not going to put out.  This is your clue!  If he waits a crazy amount of time to call again, or never calls at all, wipe him off the map!


If a woman pays her own way (dutch), the relationship is implied as “friends” and he will expect you to pay your way every time.  Never pull out your wallet, offer, or imply to pay your half of the dates, unless it was discussed in advance.  You are paying your way by looking nice, smelling good, and gracing him with your company.  If your date doesn’t tip well, don’t go out with him again.  He’s CHEAP!  You do not need to impress him, he needs to impress you.  A woman has options.  She can do anything she desires and if men aren’t meeting your standards, then stay single and continue to support yourself until someone does.  Don’t be afraid to be alone.

In the instance of co-habitation, if both parties make comparable salaries, then obligations are split equally.  If one makes more than the other, they carry more contribution, as to allow for savings and extras.  Whatever you decide, it must be fair.  If you own your own home (as I do), he still has to contribute to the household.  This is non-negotiable.  Never let a man freeload, bottom feed, or be lazy.  In essence, an ideal situation would be where he covered ¾ of the expenses, and you took care of the rest.  This allows him to feel as though he’s the head of the household, when in fact you remain in control, especially of your own money.


Read more of Heather’s Blog at  www.chasingheather.blogspot.com



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